Ask Chelsea Handler to define happiness, and here’s what she’ll say: “It’s to be anxiety-free, ready for anything, and to have an optimistic outlook about what happens in your day. No matter what, you have to find the positive.” If you’ve kept up with Chelsea over the past year or so, this answer makes perfect sense.

Last April, the 45-year-old published Life Will Be the Death of Me... and you too! It’s her sixth book and by far the most personal. In it, the comedian confronts the trauma of losing her oldest brother when she was 9 years old and chronicles her experience of taking therapy seriously for the first time ever. It’s filled with plenty of Chelsea’s signature acerbic wit, but it’s also emotional and touching.

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Fodder for yet another best-selling book isn’t the only thing all that soul-searching gave Chelsea. It seems to have had a major impact on her life—both personally and professionally. In terms of her career, she’s returning to stand-up, where she’s hoping to infuse her act with some of the meaningful topics she touched on in her book. She’s also working on releasing her own line of marijuana, something she says has helped her immensely—more on that later. When it comes to her personal life, Chelsea says she feels more grounded and content than she ever has before. Read on as she opens up about everything from her biggest fears to finally being ready for lasting love.

So, are you happy?

Yes, I am happy now. Like anybody, I struggle with insecurities and self-doubt. A lot of people tell me that I’m fearless. I don’t feel fearless, but when I look back at the things I’ve done, I see what they’re talking about. In those moments, I’m just driven by something that is inside of me—it doesn’t feel fearless to follow and pursue your instincts. I have a lot of fear about certain things; that’s one of the ways I know the things I need to do.

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What were some of those fears?

I had a fear about going back to stand-up. I had taken such a long break from it. I didn’t think I ever would want to do it again. Then I thought, “If I do go back to it, is anyone going to want to see me perform?” I also have fear about being in a long, serious relationship. Now I am able to recognize fear as an incentive rather than as a roadblock.

You ultimately decided to go back to stand-up.

I was on my last book tour for about four months, and I was being interviewed by people in different cities. I was telling stories from the book, and they were really funny. Some of them were very moving and really resonated with the audiences. I thought, “Oh, this is a one-woman show.” And then I thought, “No, this is a stand-up show. This is what you’ve done your whole career. This is exactly what you should be doing with such serious material.” The book is about death, grief, and loss. I think the thing that people struggle with the most is not understanding that if you’re going through something, there are a million other people going through the same thing. So you’re never alone.